Miss Angel Starr (broken666wings) wrote,
Miss Angel Starr

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In case it's not obvious...

I will not be writing in this journal again... which is bittersweet. I have been spending time going through old entries and I'm working slowly on saving the important ones to my hard drive so I can have a copy of them... after that I will probably delete this or make it private... no sense in keeping the past alive. I have to say that I do miss having this outlet. I was looking through my paper journals before this one and found the entry that I made the day I decided to stop updating. It's basically a list of everything I have used as a crutch in my life to avoid accepting and dealing with things on a more human and personal level and this journal was pretty close to the top of the list. A quote from that entry: "I feel like my brain to mouth wiring got crossed and now my thoughts and feelings can only escape through my hands." Sad part is, I don't think abandoning it did as much as I thought it would. I am still disconnected most of the time... only instead of expressing myself in a creative way, I bottle things up or write them down just to get them out which is not the same. There was some good writing in here... I surprised myself actually and I wish I could get back to that state of mind but I think it may be too late... or maybe I've outgrown myself. I would like to think that my life is better now, but any number is higher than a negative... even zero. So who knows? Anyway... the point is, it's winter time.... when I'm always my most creative... I have this strong desire to start writing again but every time I sit down to write I am blank.... or worse, I start dictating my life and writing everything down like a catalog of experiences. This makes me go back to reading my old writing which makes me want to write even more, repeat, repeat, repeat. SOOOO... In an effort to escape this case of writer's block I am thinking of starting a NEW LiveJournal. I realize that it seems silly, and also that barely anyone I know is on this site anymore... but I can't write in a journal that I started when I was a different person... I have to learn to let go and stop repeating so this is my awkward way of doing so... if anyone is out there still... if anyone cares, I will post the link to my new LJ if I decide to go through with it and I'd love you to still be my friend... my friends were the main thing that kept this one going... So thanks. And if I don't start a new LJ then this will be goodbye for me... <3333
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